Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Is it too late?

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I hope it's not too late to pray.

A week from now, I will know the outcome of what I was here for in the United States - to get a job. It's my second time to try my luck on this. This time last year, I was in the same scenario that I am in right now. Trust me, you wouldn't want to be in my place. I was practically a walking bag of anxiety, trying to retain the normalcy of my life. But it bugs you, the agony of waiting, I mean. My anxiety didn't even spare my dreams. Last year, I dreamed that I got the job, only to wake up that it wasn't real. I'm sure you've been to that experience wherein you cannot do anything else to maneuver the results to your favor. You just have to wait, that's all.

I hope it's not too late to pray. I know a lot of family and friends who are praying for me and I thank them prayer warriors. But I have only said one thing to Him up there. He knows my heart even before I speak it out. He made me come this far and there must be a purpose why he brought me here and now. I did not even expect to be here but I worked for this. It all started with a vision and I worked and worked for that vision, that dream I have for myself. If He wills it that I will finally be here, then He will give it to me. I hope He will. I really pray with all my heart that He does give it to me this time.

I hope it's not too late to pray. Actually, I haven't talked to Him about this of late because I have surrendered my will to Him, even before this application season began. But still, God, you would know which one I would choose if you make me.

I have a lot of apprehensions right now, like, if I can blend with the working environment here, taking into consideration that I'm diving head first into an entirely different culture. It's not that I have never given those challenges a thought while I was embarking on this endeavor. Of course, I did, and those challenges never made me make a 180-degree turn from where I was standing then. If He really wants me here, I take the challenge with earnest because finally getting the job is what I envisioned for myself when I left my first residency stint back in the Philippines. There's nothing more I want now but to train in this field of medicine that I am in love with. If He gives me the job, I assure Him, that whatever comes out of it will really go a long way. He knows absolutely what I meant with that.

I hope it's not too late to pray. One week more. I hope He hears me and gives this job to me. I want it badly, Lord. Please, Lord. I'm down on bended knees.

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