As if the lengthy flight is not enough to drive you nuts, their television system was out of control and it was not working. I noticed that technology seems to be drawing excitement these days, from teasing me, especially when I travel. Remember my trip to Florida, which made me come up with Facts I never knew I never knew? You could never imagine a flight that lasts forever and you have no movies to entertain yourself with.
Anyway, thanks to the airline's complimentary earphones, I got to listen to my Ipod somehow. I say somehow because the quality is not exactly impressive, but at least, I was hearing music. And given that, the poor quality of the earphones was forgivable. (No wonder why they give it away.)
I usually set my Ipod to random play, and yesterday, it decided to join the hype of teasing me. It played at least three songs which were all popular during a time when I was with someone hundreds of years ago. But things didn't work out with that someone, when we both found ourselves at a crossroad. And yes, that someone decided to choose a path which was different from the one I chose.
I was wounded then. Each time I would hear these songs, I would either press the forward key, or worse, press stop. Stop. Period. Silence. Then nothing follows. Oh yes, sometimes, tears accompanied by muffled sobs.
I am someone who's life is so entwined with my love for music, that songs bookmark major events of my life and represent major characters of my own lifestory. Yet the the hurt I was feeling was gnawing on that love for music, like termites do to wood, like cancer eroding the very soul.
But yesterday was different. When I heard the songs, I just smiled.
I didn't press forward or stop this time. I just listened to the songs in their entirety and smiled.
I smiled because the songs were not anymore the painful reminder that they used to be. The poison had lost its effect and the wounds have completely healed with no single mark or distortion to prove that they ever existed. However, my appreciation for the song remains untarnished. This irony of admiration and repugnance existing at the same time seems so hard for me now to put in to words but I know you know what I mean. It does not also mean that I have been nursing a wound even after a hundred years had passed. The wounds were healed long before. I bet my physician's license on that. It's just that yesterday, was a defining moment, that etched the reality of my healing on stone.
I realized, it's funny how you could just smile when you hear songs that used to be your songs with someone whom you used to care about deeply. Injecting a refreshing twist to that old OPM classic, actually, you remember the song but you don't remember the feeling anymore. You smile almost to the point of laughing when the song makes you remember how raw love was then, and how you both believed your love for each other was . . . yes, everything. Yet it wasn't meant to be. Never was, actually.
You smile not because you are bitter but because you realize that things have fallen into place now, (as for me, with somebody new, and it could be something else for you,I guess), and now you know not only why that something happened with that someone but also why that something had to end there.
When you find yourself in this state - a healed state, most would say - a lot of things are sure to happen. The songs keep coming. The smiles keep coming, and are peppered with laughter. And love is reborn. Stronger. Everyday.